The Art of Conversation
Interview Skills
Learn to guide meaningful conversations that unlock powerful family stories through active listening and thoughtful questioning.
Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing words – it's fully engaging with your storyteller to understand their experiences, emotions, and perspectives. As a family story director, your ability to listen deeply helps create an environment where meaningful stories naturally emerge.
Be Fully Present
Give your complete attention to the storyteller by eliminating distractions.
Do This:
- • Put away your phone and other devices
- • Make comfortable eye contact (not staring)
- • Position yourself at the same level
- • Take brief notes only when necessary
Common Challenges:
- • Thinking about your next question
- • Getting distracted by technical aspects
- • Worrying about following your question list
Use Supportive Responses
Show you're engaged and understanding what's being shared.
Effective Techniques:
- • Nod occasionally to show comprehension
- • Use brief acknowledgments like "I see" or "Mmm-hmm"
- • Reflect emotions: "That sounds frustrating"
- • Avoid interrupting, especially during emotional moments
Avoid:
- • Overusing verbal acknowledgments
- • Making it about yourself
- • Rushing to fill moments of silence
Listen for Doorways
Pay attention to brief mentions that could lead to deeper, more meaningful stories.
- Notice emotional shifts in tone, facial expressions, or body language
- Listen for passing references to significant people or events
- Pay attention to phrases like "That reminds me..." or "I never told anyone..."
- Follow up on hints about challenges, decisions, or transformative moments
The Power of Silence
One of the most powerful tools in interviewing is comfortable silence. When you ask a meaningful question, resist the urge to fill silence with another question. Many storytellers need a moment to:
- • Process their thoughts and emotions
- • Recall specific details that bring the story to life
- • Find the courage to share something meaningful but difficult
- • Connect with the emotional significance of their experience
By allowing 5-10 seconds of silence after asking an important question, you often receive deeper, more thoughtful responses.
Question Techniques
The questions you ask shape the stories you receive. Effective family story directors use different types of questions strategically to help storytellers share rich, meaningful narratives.
Open-Ended Questions
Questions that cannot be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and invite detailed responses.
Examples:
- • "What was it like growing up in your neighbourhood?"
- • "How did you feel when you first held your child?"
- • "What do you remember most about your grandparents?"
- • "What experiences shaped your view on education?"
Tip: Begin with 'what,' 'how,' 'why,' or 'tell me about' – use these for the majority of your questions.
Follow-Up Questions
Questions that dig deeper into responses, uncovering more specific details and meanings.
Examples:
- • "You mentioned feeling overwhelmed – can you tell me more about that?"
- • "What was going through your mind at that moment?"
- • "How did that experience change your relationship with them?"
- • "You said that was a turning point – in what ways did things change?"
Tip: Use the storyteller's own words when possible – it shows you're listening.
Reflective Questions
Questions that invite the storyteller to consider meaning, significance, and personal growth.
Examples:
- • "Looking back, what did that experience teach you?"
- • "How did that challenge shape who you became?"
- • "What wisdom would you pass on from that situation?"
- • "How has your perspective on that changed over time?"
Tip: Save these for after the main story – they often lead to the most valuable insights.
Sensory Questions
Questions that evoke rich sensory details, making stories more vivid and engaging.
Examples:
- • "What sights and sounds do you remember from that day?"
- • "If I had walked into your childhood home, what would I have seen?"
- • "What did it smell like in your grandmother's kitchen?"
- • "Can you describe what that place looked like back then?"
Tip: Ask about all five senses – sensory details often trigger deeper memories.
Questions to Avoid
Leading Questions
"I bet you were really angry when that happened, weren't you?"
"How did you feel when that happened?"
Closed Questions
"Did you enjoy growing up in Melbourne?"
"What was it like growing up in Melbourne?"
Handling Sensitive Topics
Family stories often involve sensitive subjects – loss, conflict, difficult decisions. Here's how to navigate these moments with care.
Before the Interview
- Let them know they can skip any question or stop at any time
- Discuss generally what topics you hope to cover
- Ask if there are any topics they'd prefer to avoid
When Emotions Arise
- Don't panic – emotions are natural and often lead to the most meaningful moments
- Keep recording unless they ask you to stop – these can be precious moments
- Offer tissues and a moment – have them nearby before you start
- Gentle acknowledgment: "Take your time" or "Would you like a moment?"
- Follow their lead – if they want to continue, let them
Phrases That Help
- "Thank you for sharing that with me"
- "I can see this means a lot to you"
- "We can take a break if you'd like"
- "Would you like to continue, or shall we move on?"
- "There's no rush – take your time"
- "It's okay to feel emotional about this"
- "Would you like me to pause the recording?"
- "I'm here whenever you're ready"
Remember
Your role isn't to be a therapist – it's to be a caring listener. If a topic seems too difficult, it's perfectly fine to gently move on: "Thank you for sharing that. When you're ready, I'd love to hear about..." The storyteller's wellbeing always comes first.